Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
