I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
