pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
