I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
