Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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