what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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