Cold hands, warm shart.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
