Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
