If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
