4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
