I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize