You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
