just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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