I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
BRING THE BAGELS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
