He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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