Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
