from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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