xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
