So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
