I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
