Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize