This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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