I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
