Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
