Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
