So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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