It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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