Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
