It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
3pm strippers are depressing
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
