The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
