I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
