It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize