is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Terrible idea I love it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize