I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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