Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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