She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
