I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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