Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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