Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
