It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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