i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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