Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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