Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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