I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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