He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize