just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
