This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
