i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found your dick twin last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
