She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
