If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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