i was born a porn star she said
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
