ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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