Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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