my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
