somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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