finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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