the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
