lets start a swedish sibling band together
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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