youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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