so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
