She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
