You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
