office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
