He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
