My first STD was from a foam party
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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