I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
