I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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